ALBUM REVIEW: Private Function – ‘¯\_(“/)_/¯’

Words by Steve Shelverton

Whether it’s singing suspended from a Hills Hoist at a house party on eviction day, or playing a show with Greenday. Walking barefoot above the ceiling rafters at the zoo, or a Cyclone Alfred party or two, PF was, is, and always will be… Still On Top!

This album is so hot it was expressed straight from the tip of Beelzebub’s nipples! It’s guaranteed to scald your mouth when you screech the lyrics, send you blind with unfettered desires, and crunch your decalcified ear bones into a pulpy mash. Bring on the emoji symbol album, called… Ahhh… ???… ‘¯\_(“/)_/¯‘

Album titles are so 2024, yet how do we refer to this sprawling hieroglyphic artwork? During a very recent interview on the best podcast in the scene (What A Great Punk – Thank you Toddy and Jamie again!) Chris Penny witfully informs how he will respond to media and industry prompting him on what to call the album with laughter; “Not my fucking Problem mate! We did the hard stuff; they have to work it out!” For punk posterity, I shall henceforth refer to Private Function’s fifth studio album as ‘SHRUG’.

Privateers! Grab your PF-issued magnifying glass (legit bonus accessory with vinyl purchase) and prepare to ogle each of the 2590 individual tiny album covers that drip into the marauders’ mosaic of ‘SHRUG’. The punkulicious artwork is dead on brand with the most mayhemous of live bands in Australia. A sneak peek of several on the recent t-shirt merch denotes a wild mash-up of 90s Aussie cultural icons and cringe character phenomena, all living to cartoonish excess. Put down the gear Plucka Duck, and head to rehab now!

PF are the masters of marketing, no doubt. It’s wild, unexpected and has the Federal Police foaming at the mouth. Previous vinyl album releases have featured instant win scratchy panels on the cover, another with a special edition piss-filled “gold” album, or the “mystery bag” edition with little baggies of… a baking powder substance, right? I’m going to flex here in stating I preordered one of only a hundred “goopy” vinyl editions of ‘SHRUG’/’¯\_(“/)_/¯’ that sold out within an hour! What exactly is a goopy? It could be the band’s collective samples of baby batter with a mix of phlegm, bong water, vomit, scabs and earwax; either way, the piping hot carnage awaits on 23rd May 2025 and not before!

Private Function are: Chris Penney (vox, sometimes bass), Milla Holand (bass, backing vox, sometimes lead vox), Aidan McDonald (drums, always backing vox), Anthony Biancofiore (lead guitar, guaranteed backing vox), Lauren Hester (rhythm guitar), James Macleod (keys, percussion). They make music for alcoholics and have won over 400 ARIAS!

On a recent visit to the Australian Ministry of Punk (The Tote) in Collingwood, Melbourne, I looked through the window to see Aidan, Chris and Anthony drinking beers in a closed bar session. Chris was dressed in vibrant orange overalls fresh from filming Animal. I called through the window, “Oi what are you C*$#s doing?!” Chris jumped in surprise to see their biggest journalistic pest from QLD, and Aidan invited me in. Over a few beers, they proudly showed me the Koala film clip (pre-release) and played the unreleased track, Animal, on the Tote PA (this wasn’t a covid fever-dream, it really happened). Watching Chris sing the lyrics with his eyes firmly closed, fist pumping the air, dressed like an escaped death row prisoner. I thought, “Oh, hoho shit privateers, we are in for something!”

The ‘SHRUG’/’¯\_(“/)_/¯’ album can be divided into juicy sixths (coincidentally enough!) with elements of:

1 – Austentatious Like Australiana; such as the runner up to the previous Aussie road mapping of regional towns Albury Wodonga, now spreading to Echuca and Holbrook. Aidan’s sea shanty ode of lament for a landlocked submarine that enables the town to sing like galahs, and a confused sailor cherishes their town being the pride of place on the Hume Highway. Just go with it, haha!

The Aussie Interflection continues with the most adorable song in 2025 – Koala. Mid-Cyclone Alfred party at Moes Desert Clubhouse – Chris exclaimed, “How has no one ever made a song to rhyme using Koalala yet!” This gorgeous family-friendly number, and matching film clip directed by Lauren and Aidan will be everywhere this year. Australian Brawl is he most obvious tip of a dusty Akubra hat, both in the namesake of the great 80’s James Reyne era and the official name of the freestyle swimming stroke to herald this nation’s cult status of a bygone era.

Speaking of pre-2000 music influences and freestyle, this covers two other key themes:

2 – A Reflective Gaze On The 70/80s; PF keep up their run of big, booming covers, devoting a tribute to ABBA’s SOS with a subtle dose of AC/DC “Oi! Oi! Oi!”s. James cutting sick on keys has made me love this song, a big call considering my general avoidance of ABBA music at all cost. Ready To Be Rich is an Alice Cooper-style dedication, with thrills and spills, fluttering synthed up keys, and waning guitars to Ol’ Black Eyes. Chris is tearing his voice to asphalt, with a few more OI! OI! OI!’s thrown in for good measure. PF deserve to be made rich off this goopy album, don’t you dare miss the live shows… more on that soon.

3 – Unbridled Insanity; is PF’s deathly practice of garrotting the throat of modern punk with a broken Melbourne Bitter stubby from the shadows – Meaning, they have zero public filter. The lack of suppression brings out the best of the beast with tracks; Art Sucks (But Not As Much As You), Bum Cigs, Cum Big, FUCK, SHIT, and a Peter Dutton farewell song Sucked In Fuckhead!

4 – Brink Hardcore; The brooding, fleshy Dumpster Diving Scrap Slut has Milla and Chris screaming, “Fill me with your trash!” with Milla’s bass tuned so low it works as an earthing cable. Anthony is auditioning for a guitar cameo with Anthrax, and Lauren is suspended in electricity. The album opener, the jaggedly distorted echidna that is Animal, with my favourite line on the album, “Someone get me a piece of pizza!” This song is just drive, drive, drive, drive at 200km/hr until your axels break, drive some more, drum fills and oooof!

5 – Unexpected Disco/Dance; Magical Prawn Door is full on sexperimentation of sound and style. The percussion alone is full disco silky banana jamas, making me dance with my belly out in Viagra Boys fashion. Aidan must have cracked every cymbal head in the studio in keeping up with the support vocals from the most royal Queenie, whose vocal launch deserves a great big Pink Floyd high five in the sky with that rocketing explosive finale.

6 – Traditional Punk Jams; Safety Last is buzz saw thrash, blowing up like a VB longneck on a campfire, sending glass shards into your eyes. Chris’s favourite line on the album comes in the closing moment of the track to conclude the album, “I wanna smoke a cigarette, or maybe ten. I wanna smoke meth… ampheta-mine, safety last!”. PF: WHS gurus, and jam masters at heart.

Picking a favourite is split down the middle with the feel-good, all-ages cheeriness of Koala receiving fluffy cuddles. This is a segway for kids to scoot from the Wiggles to Aus punk during a family car trip to Holbrook or Echuca, with Aidan’s backing vocals in full resonance, it gets 4 succulent gum leaves. The winner though, is Magical Prawn Door – I had no idea this was coming, and it gets five solid stock options from the CEO of Shrimp Tech Industries, for innovation, crustacean-like sex appeal, rhythm, and dance.

Live Show Warning; If you haven’t seen a PF show, you’ve not seen a proper putrid hive-minded festival of preposterousness. It’s not a gig, nor a live act. You bear witness to the punk community wriggling its way out of a rotten womb, while PF spray us with glorious music, acrobatic tricks, vulgarity, and putrid loving tales and jokes of Australiana, and they love you for it. Just go! Delay surgery! Miss your court case! Skip parole! Sell a kidney! Hit and run on a E-Scooter! Just get there any way you fucking can, without question … PF is still on top!… now in goopy flavour.

‘¯\_(“/)_/¯’ IS OUT NOW