LIVE REVIEW: Lambrini Girls + BIG WETT @ The Princess Theatre

Review by Stephen Shelverton

Photography by Elizabeth Sharpe | @ummagummamumma

It’s 0710 Friday morning. I am at the airport, stooped over a bench seat, begging an erratic laptop to work, and listening to the best punk radio show in Australia — This! on 4ZZZ, hosted by Robert Anderson. In between informing his legion of scaly punks on what shows are playing where, Rob announces the weekly battle of the Kelly sisters (duelling sisters who request songs every Friday morning — the winner is the one who has their song played). Victory goes to Matilda with her request — Bad Apple by Lambrini Girls. I give a nod of approval for another punk tragic with exceptional taste — and Rob of course, as he was also at the Lambrini Girls Brisbane gig on the Wednesday.

You may note this review is a wee bit later than I’d like, but that is the curse of the midweek show. However, I labour on. Many groggy hours later, I write the next part of the review in Last Chance Rock N Roll Bar in Melbourne, and guess which song is on the PA? Bad Apple.

This band is poking out of every dark punk nook and cranny up and down the East Coast of Australia right now, and it isn’t just the by-product of their first official album tour, ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’, in the sunburnt country either — it’s because it is the essence of punk music movement: ‘change culture by creating culture’.

Now who else is a strong advocate for fun femme force, queer queen quests, inclusivity and sexuality that could introduce Lambrini Girls to a few G-spots? BIG WETT, of course!

“It’s Big Wett, bitch!” — the soundbite from What A Great Punk Podcast.

Even though I had not seen BIG WETT previously, I knew what to expect: provocative, pink, pumped-up fun with dildos and other sex toys making cameos. And yes, you read that correctly.

Oozing confidence and power, celebrating female form and sexuality, BIG WETT dominated. Stage entrance wearing a faux pink monster-fur jacket — a visual metaphor for the alter ego of…? The real identity of BIG WETT is a closely guarded secret, and I kinda like that. There is speculation BIG WETT may be a Queenslander — who knows?!

If ecstasy is your thing, BIG WETT is for you. Even my friends who lather in hardcore knew what to expect; they were the embodiment of glee when BIG WETT started off with NUMBER 1 PUSSY IN THE CLUB. The 90s-esque disco lyrics and beat had everyone moist and hard.

Sexually explicit lyrics, horny dance-offs while wearing a pink strap-on, KING DICK requests to ride BIG WETT like a pony in the Chinese Lunar Year of the Horse — Pony (Ride Me) — and windmills with a long shlong floppy double-ended dildo had the crowd edging to BAGS — “All these bitches ain’t got shit!”

BIG WETT laughed, singing, “People think I’m crazy, people think I’m wild (but we know it’s just jealousy).”

EAT MY ASS had everyone squirting by the end of the set — “A little bit of assistance and a little bit of cream.” I just want to quote the music lyrics in an article so I can get away with it and not be banned by conservative censorship — “…I’m a real bad bitch with a dirty mouth; shit, cunt, cock sucker, mother fucker, bitch!” And that is not even the chorus.

What a way to go out with a bang — HOLD UP YOUR BODY, summed up in the lyric: “If you can, you should, it will make you feel good.” BIG WETT is high-energy fun. To quote my friend Quintin Lowe, “To hold that stage presence as a solo act with a backing track, without a backing band or dancers on the Princess stage, was impressive.”

“I just want everyone to know it’s ok to be who you feel you are.” — BIG WETT, closing quote.

Enter Lambrini Girls — Phoebe Lunny (vox and guitar) and Selin Macieira Bosgelmez (bass, backing vox), with Misha Phillips (touring drummer).

I think The Princess Theatre was an ideal location for the rockers from Brighton — both aesthetically and symbolically — for their first ever Queensland show. And the partnership between punters and performers indicated it may just have to happen again.

Following the BIG WETT performance, the bed sheets were changed, the water-based lubricant was mopped up, and the crowd had a collective cigarette and brief post-coitus nap before the lights dimmed again. The crowd cheered — a general murmur of how excited we all were.

The bass roared like an old Triumph, and right out of the blocks, Lambrini Girls demanded a division — a wall of death on the first song, Bad Apple. Phoebe taking control of the crowd with authority and poise: “Officer, what seems to be the problem!”

The entire show was characterised by close interaction between the artist and their favourite place to be — in the pit. “Hello, we are the Lambrini Girls, prepare to have some fun. Put your hand up if you are Queen. It’s a shame we are so far away — should we get to know one another a bit closer?” (Phoebe moves into the pit, asks who individuals are, offers them the microphone, then does her own introductions, except tonight she says, “And I am Jason Derulo!”) Then, Company Culture erupted with Misha’s mouth agape, belting down on the drums.

A very responsible approach to gig etiquette was laid down, including mosh-pit rules.

Lambrini Girls are firm in social justice, and furthermore set the table manners on colonialism, safe environments for the LGBTQI+ space, and calling to arms for social action. The improvised bass riff to the chant “Always was, always will be!” was almost as well cheered as their big hit God’s Country.

Under Lambrini Girls’ unofficial “guide for better living”, we tried breathing exercises and meditation, which Phoebe said was “stupid”, encouraging us instead to do scream therapy, which was far more cathartic. So much so that Phoebe crowd-surfed while singing You’re Not From Around Here.

“If anyone doesn’t feel safe in the crowd, tell security. If you don’t feel safe to tell security, tell us and we will punch them in the dick.” Perfectly said, pre Help Me I’m Gay. Crowd safety was a recurring theme for the circle pit, full of my favourite local Brisbane punks, dead smack in the eye of it. The only thing not safe was the beverages — I had a beer spilt on me.

There was so much happening between stage and pit — “Would anyone like a strawberry, some melon, some tequila!!!!”After a salvo of fruit salad flung from stage, tequila shots were guzzled down in the pit and on stage as well. Lambrini Girls are a band that have most obviously evolved from playing small pub-punk venues, and I don’t believe venue size will ever diminish that energy.

Phoebe spoke of the Brighton music scene — the good, the bad, and the very ugly, including sexual assault — urging people to call it out while encouraging shows to be safe. “Believe the victim, take action, change and break the cycle of abuse.”

The pit was declared open for anyone — anyone but a straight white man — for Lads Lads Lads (or was it Boys In The Band?). Such a well-written track; Lambrini Girls don’t waste space with non-lexical mumblings — they cut sharp and quick with their lyrics.

Phoebe offered the pit three options: 1. Take a huge shit in the pit, 2. Form a mass human pyramid, or 3. Create the biggest mosh pit/wall of death the venue has ever seen. Much to the relief of venue operators, the room opted for option three — dividing and colliding. The attempt was good, but I don’t think the hardcore riots at a Speed gig will be beaten.

A break between the madness was well executed to the backing track of Thomas The Tank Engine, before the absolute cunty banger Cuntology 101 had the chandeliers jiggling and the floor ablaze. Lambrini Girls could have been excused for not offering an encore — they had given everything — however Big Dick Energy was flopped out for all to see and hear.

Last year I went to Nice Day To Go To The Club at Port Noarlunga in SA — it remains my favourite day festival. This year I opted for Flippin’ The Bird at Frankston, as both events clash on the same day. I was truly torn. All I can say is those at the Port Noarlunga Football Club grounds today will be thrilled to see Lambrini Girls share a stage with the likes of The Bronx. Such pairing represents the path Lambrini Girls are on — striding from social growth and bonding people together in a time where peace and unity are needed toward something resembling social world domination.

To quote my friend Lachlan Niel, one of my favourite photographers on the music scene:
“It was so much fun. Lambrini Girls know how to get a crowd moving — the mosh was super fun… I was really happy to hear the band advocate for many current issues, using their platform for change.”